Why Failing Feels Terrible (But is Actually Good for Us

The dreaded, dirty F word – Failure

Failing feels terrible. It has a way of getting under our skin and bruising our ego, poking at our self-worth. It’s unglamorous. Often times it shows up when you’ve tried your best. I’ve come to know the feeling well – through some small and some big failures. But there’s one I want to talk about today and it’s – my inability to grow plants.

I’m the official plant killer! I’ve even managed to take down a succulent—yes, a plant that literally thrives on neglect! I swear I don’t mean to; I have all the intentions of being a plant whisperer. It usually goes like this: I scroll through Pinterest, high on inspiration, dreaming about how this new flowery friend will finally end my plant-related despair. Off I go to the flower store, my cart filled with pretty plants that I assume will thrive under my loving care.

I position them in what I’m convinced is ‘perfect’ lighting, water them right, and even give them quirky names ad talk to them everyday. But then—plot twist—their leaves droop, the flowers start to brown faster than my last Instagram post gets likes, and I’m left thinking about what i did wrong as a plant parent. It’s a tiny personal failure, but hey, at least I can say I’ve got a unique talent!

We Fail Because We Care

But here’s what I’ve realized failure feels terrible not because we’re weak, but because we care. Because we dared to hope, to invest, to believe we could make something bloom. And when it doesn’t, the gap between effort and outcome can feel like rejection.

Some hard earned lessons that I learnt along the way are that not every effort will be rewarded. Also, rushing or forcing growth when there’s no readiness will not work. Over-watering the plant won’t make it grow faster.

The Greatest Teacher

Failure has quietly been my greatest teacher. It humbles you. It invites reflection. It pushes you to try differently, not just harder. It’s the point where you get to choose to accept defeat or get up, dust off and try again. To keep showing up when you’re not guaranteed to win. Because what is life if not trying?

Failure builds emotional resilience. the kind you can’t get from success. It teaches you to sit with discomfort. If you stick with this discomfort long enough and give yourself grace, it slowly untangles your identity from your outcomes. and roots it instead in your effort, curiosity and courage. It makes you human, which means we stumble, forget, overdo, under-do, or simply miss the mark. But this makes life beautiful, in retrospect I admit. But it means one thing – we’re growing. Trying is failing. Failing is learning. Learning is growing. Growing is a success in itself.

So today, I invite you to try and to fail. Be bad at something. Feel nervous. Feel pain. Feel dejection. I promise you the reward of growing a more beautiful You, inside and out, will far outweigh the terrible feeling in the end.

Think about it

What’s one failure you’re grateful for, even if it stings?