Anger Is the Absence of Presence

The Absence of Presence

There are moments when anger feels like fire in our veins — sharp, focused, unstoppable. In those moments, we find ourselves able to write furiously, work relentlessly, or solve problems with a strange, burning clarity. It feels productive, almost holy. But there’s a paradox hidden inside that focus: anger narrows our awareness. It makes us hyper-present to the object of our frustration, and absent from everything else.

When we act from that absence, when presence dissolves and violence begins its work. Violence doesn’t always wear the face of physical harm; it begins quietly, in thought. As Eckhart Tolle says, every act of violence germinates first in the mind. The seed is a thought – a surge of judgment, resentment, or superiority. And if we fail to meet it with awareness, it seeks a body, a word, a deed.

Abuse, in this sense, is not “other.” It’s what happens when power operates without presence. A world waking up to systemic abuse whether in Hollywood, politics, or within families, is confronting not just external evil, but our collective unconsciousness. The power trip, the ego games, the cruelty – they are all the children of minds asleep to their own shadows.

From the Soil of Trauma

All matter, all mind, exists in duality. To deny our so-called “bad” is futile; what matters is how we relate to it. Thoughts rise like bubbles. Forming, floating, and bursting constantly. Emotions, too, crest and fall like waves. If thoughts are bubbles and feelings are waves, our actions should be the ocean itself: steady, grounded, and vast enough to hold both storm and stillness. Presence allows us to be that ocean – watching bubbles form, waves rise, without being swept away.

As children, many of us were taught unconsciously by educators and parents who believed that pain was correction, that compliance was virtue. Corporal punishment, shame, ridicule – these weren’t just acts, they were seeds. From those experiences sprouted our worldviews: “The world is safe” or “The world is dangerous.” “I can trust” or “I must protect myself.” And from those beliefs, every choice we make follows, like code in the algorithm of our life stories.

From the soil of trauma, two paths often emerge.
Choice A: bitterness, reactivity, numbness – an unconscious life powered by anger and resentment, striving for control, perfection, or achievement.
Choice B: sorrow, reflection, awakening – a conscious life shaped by humility, compassion, and healing.

Both paths burn energy, but only one transforms it. The second path breaks the cycle of trauma by bringing light to darkness — by staying present enough to choose differently when the old pain whispers, React

The Transition From Bitterness to Healing

So perhaps anger can fuel focus. But the alchemy lies in awareness — in converting the heat of anger into the light of understanding. Presence is not the absence of emotion; it is the space through which emotion becomes wisdom.

7 Steps to Transition from Choice A to B

1. Pause before reacting. When anger or pain surges, stop and take one conscious breath. The pause is where awareness enters.
2. Ask the present-moment question: Is there a problem right now, in this exact moment? If not, then you are safe. You are okay.
3. Be where your feet are. Thich Nhat Hanh taught that presence begins by returning your awareness to the physical body – notice your feet touching the ground, your breath moving through you.
4. Name what you feel. Labeling emotions disarms them. Say internally, “I feel angry,” or “I feel scared.” A named feeling can no longer hijack you.
5. Reframe the energy. Instead of suppressing anger, redirect its heat toward creation, movement, or communication. Let it burn cleanly, not destructively.
6. Forgive small things daily. Forgiveness is not approval — it’s release. Every act of letting go lowers the tension between past and present.
7. Practice small acts of awareness. Drink water slowly. Listen without interrupting. Notice your surroundings. Each conscious act strengthens the muscle of presence.

Think About It

What is one area of your life that could change for the better if you brought full presence into it – right now, today?