Before you Judge, Ask this one Question

Values: The Hidden Lens That Shapes Connection

There was a time I struggled to understand people who weren’t interested in personal growth. I assumed that others saw the world the way I do. I’d be overflowing with ideas—ways to improve, evolve, create, contribute—and I’d look around and wonder: Why doesn’t everyone feel this pull?

Why don’t they want more from life?

The turning point came during a coaching conversation, when my coach Micheal Pham (@materrywithmike, Mastery with Mike) simply said:

“It’s all about values.”

That sentence hit like a lightbulb.

We’re not driven by the same things.

Some people value stability over growth. Others seek comfort, not challenge.

Some value belonging more than expression.

I value creation, learning, becoming more—and I connect with people most deeply when I understand what they value.

That insight changed everything for me.

Values are the invisible compass behind every decision. They shape how we spend our time, how we see the world, and how we connect with others—or fail to.

So now, before I judge or wonder “how can they not care about this?”, I pause and ask:

“What do they care about?”

Understanding someone’s values is like switching from black-and-white to colour.

And in that shift, there’s compassion. There’s connection. There’s peace.

Think about it

What do you value so deeply that it shapes every decision you make?