The Masks We Wear: From Survival to Authenticity

Behing the Mask

As I organise my last-minute costume and decorations for Halloween I can’t help but think about masks. Sometimes healing and sometimes harmful, they’ve been a part of human culture and psyche, Masks live in our festivals, in the stories we tell, but oftentimes they’re a conduit of our repressed feelings. The humdrum of our daily chores conceals what we really feel.

A Tool for Justice, Deception or Therapy?

Through the Lens of Deception and Justice  

Some ears ago, there was a show called The Pretender in which, Jarod, the genius imposter assumes new identities in every episode. More importantly he masters, not just mimics, any skill from any profession.  This vigilante with metaphorical mask – his new identity, solves crimes and delivers justice to the real culprits, the powerful idiots. Yes he hid his real self behind an identity, a mask – to deliver justice. What is justice? As Will Durant puts in his book ‘The Story of Philosophy’, justice is when each thing and person is exactly where they belong commensurate with their aptitude and ability. So by conclusion injustice begins when things and people are above or below the place/ situation/ level they belong. For example, an inept leader and who needs more experience at a being a team player.

If masks can deliver justice in fiction, they can also conceal injustice in real life leadership.

The history of business is riddled with empires crumbling due to bad leadership. Dick Fuld’s (Lehman Brothers) confrontational leadership style and his refusal to acknowledge and address the financial issues led to the destruction of a 158-year-old institution and contributed to the 2008 global financial crisis. It was an international joke! Travis Kalanick’s (Uber) ‘win at all costs’ mentality and confrontational approach to regulators led to numerous scandals, corporate espionage and unnecessary legal battles. Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) built the company on a foundation of lies and deception claiming blood testing technology that simply didn’t work.

While these ‘leaders’ may have had extensive tactical and technical knowledge of their chosen area, they certainly didn’t embody the qualities of a good leader. These leaders remind us that wearing the mask of authority and glamour without the substance, EQ and integrity is unsustainable – for them and for us.

Through the Lens of Survival and Therapy  

In reality we all wear masks, don’t we? We may not be a vigilante, but our fear of rejection and our desire to belong impels us to hide our emotions. We’re raised to be happy and positive all the time. Scoldings like ‘don’t cry’ and phrased like ‘don’t worry be happy’ oversimplify the human condition. We feign happiness for approval and to keep others happy. But is this sustainable?

Our masks persist because sometimes our masks protect us. They’re a survival strategy in a toxic environment, be it work, friendship or a romantic relationship. There may be a storm brewing underneath but the ‘decorum’ of society, indoctrination of gender biases and unspoken expectations of loved ones. This endemic needs to stop. We cannot continue to compartmentalize our personal and work lives because they both affect each other. We need to expand the work-life balance to a holistic approach enabling emotional literacy, normalizing vulnerability and integrating mindfulness in the workplace culture.

Transition to Authenticity

Don’t get me wrong, I think masks can be so much fun ( and therefore, therapeutic!) too as in the case of Halloween, Cinco de Mayo or any masquerade party. I believe this is also because it lets our ‘dark’ side come to the fore in a safe place sanctioned to be a bit crazy and otherworldly.

The work of personal development is learning when to wear them, when to remove them and when to replace them with authenticity.

Below I share three practical steps on the transition from a survival mask to offering an authentic and vulnerable version of yourself to the world.

• Name the feeling – Instead of masking our emotions with vague labels like “I’m fine”, accurately name what we’re experiencing.
• Replace masks with rituals – Swap forced cheer for a brief check-in ritual at work that normalises tough days.
• Practice calibrated honesty – Share a personal fact that builds connection but never make co-workers your therapist.

Like water, authenticity is patient and persistent. It softens the hardest facades until only the true self remains. The journey of self‑improvement is to let the masks dissolve, one by one, in the flow of honest living.

Think about it

Which mask feels hardest for you to take off and why?