The Gift Wrapped in Grit: Why Setbacks Shape Us

Akio Morita – an Inspiration

One book that shaped my view of setbacks early in life was Made in Japan: Akio Morita and Sony. It belonged to my father, and I picked it up out of curiosity. What I found shattered my illusions about silver spoons and privilege.

During World War II, Japan was devastated by relentless bombings, including the atomic destruction of Hiroshima. Although Akio Morita’s family was not in Hiroshima itself, they endured the broader consequences of war—scarcity, fear, and displacement. Like many Japanese families, they lived in makeshift shelters and survived on meagre rations, often just rice. The country was in ruins, and the future seemed bleak.

Morita, born into a prosperous sake-brewing family, had served as a sub-lieutenant in the Imperial Japanese Navy. After the war, he returned to a Japan stripped of its infrastructure and hope. Yet amid the rubble, he found purpose. In 1945, he read about a small radio repair shop started by Masaru Ibuka, a fellow physicist and wartime colleague. Inspired, Morita left his teaching job and joined Ibuka in Tokyo, where they worked in a bombed-out department store basement.

Together, they founded Tokyo Tsushin Kogyo (Tokyo Telecommunications Engineering Corporation), which would later become Sony. Their first products were modest—rice cookers and tape recorders—but their vision was bold. Morita’s resilience, shaped by wartime hardship and a deep belief in innovation, helped transform Sony into a global electronics powerhouse.

What an inspiration! No silver spoon or fancy connections. Just pure passion and grit.

Recently, a stomach bug forced me to reset my diet. Would I invite that discomfort willingly? Of course not. But sometimes, life hands us growth disguised as inconvenience. Stoics see adversity not as a punishment but as a necessary part of life that strengthens character, much like a weightlifter uses resistance to build muscle. 

How Stoicism Reframes Setbacks

Marcus Aurelius wrote, “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way”. Dr. Benjamin Laker Ph.D, talks about Planned happenstance in terms of workplace setbacks here How Planned Happenstance Turns Setbacks Into Success | Psychology Today Australia. He mentions that workplace setbacks often spark three emotional responses:

• Frustration: A feeling of unfairness, especially if the setback seems out of your control.
• Self-doubt: Questioning whether you are valued, competent, or on the right path.
• Resignation: The tendency to disengage or withdraw instead of adapting to the new situation.

Frustration: A feeling of unfairness

Stoics, a morally indifferent view of external events. They saw them as neither good nor bad on their own. Therefore, feeling that a setback is “unfair” is an error in judgment. It is an attempt to impose your own desires onto a world that does not operate for your benefit. The Stoics viewed this feeling of entitlement as a path to unnecessary suffering.

• Applying the philosophy:
  • Remind yourself of what’s external: When frustration arises, remind yourself that the event itself is not unfair. It’s simply an indifferent occurrence. What is truly “unfair” is not the setback, but your perception of it.
  • Focus on the “next best option”: Instead of dwelling on anger and the injustice of the situation, immediately pivot to a productive solution. This practice, called “next best option,” involves quickly discarding what no longer works and focusing on what can be done now with the resources you have.
  • See challenges as training: Frame the setback as a test of your character, an opportunity to practice virtues like patience, perseverance, and justice. This reframe, known as the “Stoic test,” positions you as someone who welcomes challenges, not avoids them. 

Self-doubt: Questioning your value

Self-doubt comes from placing your value on external things, such as career progression, validation from others, or success. To a Stoic, your true worth is not determined by these external factors but by your own character and virtue. A promotion, a relationship, or a perfect record are externals that can be taken away, but your capacity for reason, honesty, and justice is always within your control.

• Applying the philosophy:
  • Re-center your values: When self-doubt surfaces, turn your attention inward. Ask yourself, “Did I act with wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance?” The Stoic goal is not to be perfect, but to strive toward a life of virtue.
  • Use self-reflection, not punishment: Engage in honest, but not cruel, self-reflection. Journaling is a key tool for this. Review your performance, identify where you can improve, and learn from mistakes without degrading yourself.
  • Remember the common humanity of others: When comparing yourself to others, remember that even those who appear successful on the surface have doubts and fears. Their external achievements are not a measure of your internal worth. 

Resignation: Disengagement and withdrawal

Stoicism rejects passive resignation in the face of setbacks. True acceptance, or amor fati (love of fate), is not a form of giving up, but an active, bold embrace of reality. Resignation is a weakness driven by fear and self-pity, while Stoic acceptance is a courageous act of engaging with the present situation, no matter how difficult.

• Applying the philosophy:
  • Practice the art of acquiescence: Instead of fighting against reality, accept it and find the way forward. This is not passive surrender, but a bold form of acceptance that creates a clear mental space for constructive action.
  • Embrace change as an opportunity: The Stoics believed that life is a constant process of change. Just as a potter’s wheel spins clay into a new shape, setbacks can be used to forge your character and create a new beginning. The moment after a setback is a moment of renewal, a chance to begin again with intention and clarity.
  • Find purpose beyond the setback: Disengaging from a situation is often a sign that a person has lost sight of their deeper purpose. By reconnecting with your core values and purpose, you can find the motivation to move forward, even when a specific goal has failed. As Seneca wrote, “It is a great man who uses earthenware as if it were silver, but it is equally great who uses silver as if it were earthenware”.

Another great technique is negative visualization. A regular Stoic practice is to briefly imagine all the bad things that could happen—losing your job, your health, or your possessions. This is not meant to be a morbid exercise, but to prepare for the worst, appreciate what you have now,

Setbacks aren’t detours from your path—they are the path. When met with openness and grit, they become the very forge where purpose is shaped and resilience is born.

Think about it

When was the last time a breakthrough came disguised as a setback? What did you learn from it?