Taking up space – How I stopped shrinking myself

There are a lot of trends going around but the one trend I keep coming back to lately is that of ‘taking up space’. If you’re a mother juggling a career, you’ve likely heard this phrase. If you haven’t then it simply means – being you. And loudly. Without permission, without apology.

What does taking up space really mean

I first saw the phrase on Instagram tucked into a post full of encouraging words – eat the last cookie, dance in the kitchen, laugh louder, book the trip and say what you feel. Take up space.

‘Girl, be too much’, it said. I felt free as soon as I finished reading it. Light. Unburdened. Self-worth undimmed. Why did this make me feel so good? Maybe because I’d been shrinking myself my whole life. I’d been rushing through my mornings, apologizing too much and not setting strong boundaries. Taking up space was an idea completely alien to me. I realized the phrase didn’t teach me anything new about myself. In fact, it named something I’d been doing since I was a kid.

Why we learn to shrink ourselves

Somewhere along the way, most of us learn to shrink – to stay quiet, apologize for our presence, and wait for permission we were never actually going to get.

Children are gifted truthtellers, neurodivergent ones even more so. I often said embarrassing stuff as a child because I had no filter. I concluded that it was best for me to stay silent in social situations. Children are also incredibly wise, maybe because the nastiness and shrewdness of the practical world have not sullied their innocence yet. But that wisdom is often dismissed because children lack life experience. But what they lack in life experience, they compensate for in clarity – seeing things for what they really are. I was one of them, until I decided I shouldn’t be.

The Small, Everyday Ways I Made Myself Smaller

As a child and even as an adult, I would wake up very quietly and stealthily pussyfoot across the room so as to not wake anyone up. But I’ve realized that this action is fear driven not compassion driven. Now when I wake up, I do my best to be quiet but my highest priority is waking up ‘gently’ rather than quietly.

Even now, constant interruptions at home and work cause delays in my own work. To resume the task, it took me 15-20 minutes to get back into the flow. All because it was rude to ignore people asking for help. What I didn’t realize was that others interrupting me was also rude. And I never called them out on this. Now, when I’m interrupted, I ask for some time to finish the task at hand and help them afterwards. I also don’t hurry to finish my task. I’m taking up space.

Giving Myself Permission to Take Up Space

An important part of a child’s upbringing is waiting your turn and asking for permission. But at what point in our lives do we stop waiting for permission? Or perhaps we reframe it as our own permission (self-permission) rather than anyone else’s. This permission comes with some level of compassion for ourselves – for making mistakes and learning along the way.

What Taking Up Space Looks Like Now

Today I’m a totally different person, because I chose from alignment, not societal pressure. I spend my early mornings writing instead of cooking. Every week I show up at my home gym, pushing and pulling metal to build a stronger me, day by day. I’m taking up space.

I reach out to loved ones instead of waiting for others to make a move. I express my opinion on things that matter, without intentionally hurting anyone. I’m taking up space.

I take selfies of myself in the pool having a swim or dolled up for a party despite the judgement it attracts. I’m taking up space.

How to Start Taking Up Space (In 3 Small Steps)

Here are 3 simple steps for you to start taking up space today. Notice the fear driven habit. Ask for your own permission (Self-permission). Do it anyway (Self-trust).

Within all these mini actions hides a photon-sized particle of ‘self-trust’ that makes us more comfortable taking up space. You don’t have to be mean to take up space. You’re not stepping anyone’s toes. You’re just filling your own very big shoes! What area of life will you be taking up space in today?